Doppelgangers, Cougars, and HUGE Atomic Spiders - Or Thursday If You Prefer

*** continued from previous post ***

After Stacy was safely out of ear shot, Mom turned to me and said, "Cougar? Did you know about this?"

I studied her face. "Possibly.”

She nodded her head up and down, but I don't think she was agreeing. "And you didn't tell me because. . .?"

"Umm. . . I was saving it for a surprise?"

"Try again," Mom said.

"I hit my head as we packed the bike and the only damage was to that one, tiny, little memory concerning the cougar?"

"Nope," she said, folding her arms over her chest.

"Wait, before we continue, is this a 'Oh David I'm so mad at you ha ha ha' situation, or a 'Oh David I'm going to kill you in your sleep' situation?"

"What do you think?"

"Umm. . . that I probably need more coffee?"

"That wouldn't be a bad idea. So really, why didn't you tell me about the cougar hanging around the Lodge?"

"Because I wanted you to come on the trip," I said, dropping my head in shame.

"Bingo. I thought that might have something to do with it."

"Babe," I said, "look - I know how you feel about cougars. But you and I both know that we probably pass by several a year just in the woods around our house without incident."

A look of panic flittered over your mom's face. "What?"

"Umm. Never mind. Forget I said that. Here, it's like this. You know how I am about spiders. I know they are all around us all the time but I lie to myself so that I don't go around in a constant state of the terminal willies. You know that about me. Do you tell me every time you come across one in the house?"

"Well, no," she said.

"And so why would I point out that over a year ago they had a cougar encounter at the Lodge? Would you tell me if you found out they had a spider in the dining room?"

"No, but that's different."

"How?" I asked.

"Because spiders rarely pounce on you then carry you away to dine on later."

"Oh ho! Faulty logic there my dear. What if they're really big spiders?"
"Look, you can't compare spiders to cougars. Don't try to change the subject."

"Are you kidding me? Have you never watched any of those movies from the 1950's? The government is involved in a deep cover up. Deep I tell you! There are gigantic, venomous, atomic spiders all over the desert. That my dear, is why I refuse to visit Nevada."

Here I put two curved fingers in front of my mouth simulating spider fangs. "Arrrgghhhh arrrggghhh."

"I'm ignoring that. Back to the original question. Why didn't you tell me?"

God I hate it when she demands the truth. Oh devil woman, why can't you be satisfied with carefully crafted delusions?

"Okay. I didn't tell you about the cougars because I didn't want you to worry and obsess the entire trip. If Stacy hadn't brought it up, you never would have known."

I thought about what I'd said for a minute then added, "But you know I mean obsess in the most positive, non-derogatory way. Really. In most people obsessing is a problem but you, oh when you do it, it's cute. And not full of insanity at all."

Mom chewed this over. I could see the wheels turning inside her head. Actually, it was quite exciting, like playing a slot machine. Would I get three cherries and everything would be okay, or would I have to mortgage the house in order to recoup my losses?

A smile crossed her face. "You know, you're right. I would have worried the whole trip."

Gah! This vacation was having a tremendous impact on your mom. When she slept tonight I would fingerprint her. Maybe take a dental impression, although she was a bit of a light sleeper for that. It seemed entirely possible that she, at some point on our trip, had been replaced by a doppelganger. Now the question was did this doppelganger have more money than Mom? This was relevant to my interests.

"Let's make a deal," Mom said. "You tell me about cougars, and I'll continue lying to you about spiders."

That seemed like an equitable arrangement to which I readily agreed.

We spent the next two hours eating way too many treats and drinking way too many cups of coffee and tea. I was on fire as far as cribbage was concerned. Yet, in order not to 'show up' your Mother, I managed to allow her to win most of the games. We laughed. We talked. We watched the clouds drift through the valley like a river of cotton, the rain falling in sheets against the hills. At one point I happened to glance up from my cards and something about the quality of the rain caught my eye.

"Hey sweetie? Does that rain look a little 'thick' to you?"

"Thick?"

"Yeah. Thick. Semi-solid."

Mom squinted her eyes and looked outside. "It does look that way, yes. But it can't be snow, it's the middle of August."

"You're right. Must be a trick of the light," I said, and never gave it another thought.


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*** the journey continues ***