Stabby - Stabby. Right In The Gizzard

*** continued from previous post ***


As I busied myself with America's favorite game, 'Find The Missing Sock', I was silently designing a litany of excuses, pleadings, and bribes for the 'discussion', and yes . . . I mean 'discussion' with the quotes, that I knew was coming regarding our stellar first meal at Hidden Valley.

Mom was just as quiet as I, which made me jumpy. You don't want that woman thinking too long about something without the safety valve of conversation. Have you ever seen a pressure cooker? Yeah. Like that. Only a pressure cooker that could hold a grudge.

It would be best for all concerned - and by all concerned I mean me - to deal with this situation as quickly as possible.

I took a deep breath, ready to plead my case but before I could form a word with my slightly chapped lips your mom said, "So. That was some breakfast," beating me to the point and punching a hole in my tactics.

Oh, how I wish I had never given her Sun Tzu's "The Art of War" as a Mother's Day gift. What the hell was I thinking? At the time I thought it would come in handy for family gatherings. Never once did I imagine that she would turn her studies upon me. However that did settle one thing. There was no way in Hell I was giving her the copy of "Attila's Guide To Winning Friends And Influencing Enemies" that I'd bought as a birthday gift. You know how Attila died don't you? That great warrior, the fierce and ruthless leader, conquerer of eastern and central Europe, survivor of battles untold? Stabbed by his wife, that's how. Stabby-stabby right in the gizzard. Oddly enough after a family-style breakfast in the Canadian Rockies.

*** the journey continues ***